The Milk is Still Bad And Other Cautionary Tales From A Divorce Lawyer

WHY DO SECOND AND THIRD MARRIAGES FAIL?

Do Second and Third Marriages Fail More Often?

In the U.S., 50 percent of first marriages, 67 percent of second, and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce. See this link: http://www.divorcerate.org/

What are the reasons for this progressive increase in divorce rates? One common explanation is that people enter a second or third marriage "on the rebound" following a failed relationship. The problem arises when people are emotionally hurt from a divorce, and easily swayed by a new relationship; they do not allow sufficient time to recover from their divorce or adjust to being single before getting married again. I have previously suggested that you be comfortable with staying home alone on a Friday or Saturday night alone with just yourself and a good book as a test to determine whether you are ready for a new relationship. People often hastily enter another marriage for the wrong reasons, not having learned lessons from their past experience. They may repeat mistakes, leading to similar conflicts, and possibly another failed relationship. It is important to take time to take stock of yourself, understand what went wrong in your last relationship and be able to recognize possibly similar problems in your next relationship.

Another possible explanation is that some people don’t consider divorce devastating, rather they consider it an event that they can cope with easily. Having already been through it once, and managed to handle it, they figure that they can deal with it again. Often people have become attuned to the warning signs of a bad relationship and may be faster to take steps to mitigate the damage to their life. People that are highly educated, have professional degrees, or careers in business, are more likely to cope with a divorce, by removing the emotional component that often makes divorce so difficult, and by using a logical decision making process rather than an emotional decision making process.

Another possible reason is that as men and women become more self sufficient, with women enjoying successful careers and making salaries comparable to their spouses, and men becoming proficient in home making, the gender gap is closing and the need for a marriage partnership is diminished.

Possibly the main reason for the breakup of second and third marriages is that children are normally born to married couples during their first marriage, and this tends to bind them together for the sake of the children. In the second and third marriage, couples do not have to stay together for the sake of the children, nor do they have the common bond that exists with a married couple raising children. Worse yet, children from a first marriage may doom a second or third marriage. New spouses and their children may have conflicts, jealousy and compete with the children from the first marriage, resulting in a deterioration of the second marriage. Have you ever heard of the term "wicked stepmother" ? or "evil step father"? Have you ever heard of children being cheated out of an inheritance because the second wife or second husband took everything? Is any wonder why second and third marriages fail?

8 Mistakes Married Women Make

This article is written strictly from a mans point of view, so for those women reading it, dont take offense.  Read this for what it is, and if you see yourself in this you can decide if any of what is said here has value or is just plain crap, you decide. For some, it may just save your marriage. For more read "The Milk is Still Bad and Other Cautionary Tales" on Amazon.com for kindle books.

1. Nagging - one of the most common things that men report during consultations for divorce is that their wife constantly nags them about everything.  This includes complaining about things that they did or didn't do, or failed to do correctly.  Men quietly tolerate nagging but deep down it creates a huge level of resentment and over time will cause men to run away.  This occurs more in marriages than in dating because for some crazy reason some women think that once they have a man wearing a ring on his finger that they can abuse him all they want.  Women may not realize that nagging is abuse, but to most men it is a form of abuse that they silently endure until they have had enough.

2. No Sex - the second most common mistake women make is withholding sex.  Normally during dating couples have sex every time they see each other, often twice a day.  After marriage, many women seem to loose interest in sex, possibly as a result of having children, the stress of daily life, work, bills, and household chores. What most women do not realize is that sex is a compulsion in men, a need that has to be satisfied on a regular basis.  Apparently women don't have the same physical need for sex every day that men have. Men think about sex about a hundred times a day. One sure way to keep men interested is to offer sex every day, whether the man wants it or not, and whether you feel like it or not.

3. Emasculation - the third common mistake women make is to emasculate their man.  This includes telling him that he is wrong in front of friends, family or the children, as well as taking control of things that are normally a man's domain such as control of the tv remote, changing the radio, picking the movie, deciding on where to go on vacation, insisting on driving, and making decisions regarding the children without taking their husbands opinion into consideration. Women that dominate in this manner totally emasculate their husband to the point that many husbands will eventually have had enough and leave.

4. Ignoring - the fourth common mistake women make is to ignore their man by placing more importance on everything else. This can include becoming preoccupied with hobbies, the internet, facebook, working out, and talking to friends on the phone and surfing the net.  As a result of the wife showing absolutely no interest in anything the husband does or says, he will find others that are interested in what he has to say or likes to do.

5. Criticizing - this mistake is a subset of nagging. Often no matter what words come out of the husbands mouth they are met with criticism, anger, or disagreemenet from the wife. As a result at some point men just stop talking.  Many times you see this scenario where an old couple managed to stay together for many years, but the man just does not talk in the presence of his wife. 

6. Stubborn - being stubborn to the point of inflexibility is the sixth mistake women make. No matter what the subject, topic, or idea the woman will not give in, or offer any negotiation. It is her way of the highway, and often the man chooses the highway.

7. Always right - this mistake is one where the woman believes she is right and will not ever admit that she is wrong, and has to win every argument and every discussion. This is a subset of emasculation.

8. Never Says Sorry - this final mistake is a subset of stubborn and always right, and speaks for itself. The woman never is willing to say she is sorry, or worse yet insists that the man say he is sorry to her almost daily whether he has done anything wrong or not. Some women joke about this, and say that they require their man to apologize every day even if he has done nothing wrong.  This too builds up resentment and eventually most men tire of having to go through this exercise.

So there you have it, 8 mistakes that women make. Believe it or dont, but if you see yourself or someone you are in a relationship with, why not start a discussion. If you disagree with these 8 mistakes, you are enetitled to your opinion, perhaps I was not right, and also I'm sorry. Also I promise not to nag you or criticize you again.  There did that make you feel better?