The Milk is Still Bad And Other Cautionary Tales From A Divorce Lawyer

SPYING ON YOUR SPOUSE, NOT A GOOD IDEA!

In my practice as a divorce lawyer, I occasionally have a client tell me that he, or she, has been spying on their spouse, and has some potentially damaging evidence.  Spying may be in the form of recording telephone calls, using GPS tracking devices, hacking their spouses cell phone, use of  hidden video cameras, hidden tape recorders, or hacking into their spouses social media accounts.

The problem with this "evidence" is that it may be illegal, and the client may have violated federal or state law in the process of gathering the evidence.  As such the client may face potential penalties, both civil and possibly criminal as a result. Further the lawyer must consider whether it is ethical and legal to present any such "evidence" in a court proceeding.

As a lawyer, I must  consider several issues when a client comes to me with any such spying evidence: Has the client violated federal or state law? Will they need to take the Fifth Amendment if their deposition is taken? Can I use the evidence in court? What are the potential penalties the  client may face?

My general advice to these clients is that they should not illegally spy on their spouse, do not record phone or voice without permission, and do not hack into social media accounts, and do not place tracking devices on their spouses car or otherwise.

With regard to social media accounts, if your spouse is "friends" with you on a social media account, or posts messages that are public, any such postings are fair game and may be used as evidence, so long as you do not need to hack into your spouses account to access the postings. Similarly if your spouse sends you text messages or email messages, these are allowable evidence and may be used in court, as are messages left on voice mail or answering machines. However recording your spouse during a phone conversation, or in person,  without their knowledge, would not be legal.

Another example of allowable spying is a video security system that does not record voice or sound, and which your spouse is aware of. For example a home video security system that records video only, may be allowable evidence in a court proceeding and would not violate your spouses privacy rights, especially if your spouse is aware of the video security system. If you installed the video system solely to spy on your spouse, and your spouse is totally unaware of the video system, you may have violated your spouses privacy rights.  One good way around this issue is a sticker on the front door that clearly states "video recording 24 hours a day on this property" or similar type of warning.

Another fairly safe way to obtain evidence is by hiring a licensed private investigator to do investigation work or surveillance. This type of professional will not gain evidence illegally and will probably be allowed to testify in court.

DOES ADULTERY MATTER IN A FLORIDA DIVORCE?

 

 To Cheat or Not to Cheat, that is the question.

Florida is a "no fault" divorce state. This means that either party may file for a divorce without proving any grounds other than the spouses don't want to be married anymore. The spouse wanting a divorce only needs to state that the marriage is "irretrievably broken."

No fault divorce may give a false sense of security to cheating spouses, who may believe that their adultery will have no bearing on their divorce proceedings.

In Florida, a court may consider alimony under certain circumstances in a divorce proceeding. This is outlined in Florida Statute 61.08, as follows:

F.S. 61.08 Alimony.— (1) In a proceeding for dissolution of marriage, the court may grant alimony to either party, which alimony may be bridge-the-gap, rehabilitative, durational, or permanent in nature or any combination of these forms of alimony. In any award of alimony, the court may order periodic payments or payments in lump sum or both. The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded. In all dissolution actions, the court shall include findings of fact relative to the factors enumerated in subsection (2) supporting an award or denial of alimony.

The key part of this statute is: "The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded"

Another area where adultery may play a role in divorce is in equitable division of property. Under equitable division, the court’s objective is to create an equal division of assets and debts between the parties in such a manner as to put the parties on an equal footing. This presumption may, however, be overcome by proof that one spouse has intentionally dissipated or wasted marital assets. Gifts, trips, apartment rent, car payments, and dinners for a non-marital partner are all considered a waste of marital assets. The court may reduce the adulterer's share of martial assets to compensate the other spouse for this waste.

EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ALIMONY BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK

In determining whether to award alimony or maintenance, the court shall first make a specific factual determination as to whether either party has an actual need for alimony or maintenance and whether either party has the ability to pay alimony or maintenance. If the court finds that a party has a need for alimony or maintenance and that the other party has the ability to pay alimony or maintenance, then in determining the proper type and amount of alimony or maintenance under subsections (5)-(8), the court shall consider all relevant factors, including, but not limited to:

(a) The standard of living established during the marriage.

(b) The duration of the marriage.

(c) The age and the physical and emotional condition of each party.

(d) The financial resources of each party, including the nonmarital and the marital assets and liabilities distributed to each.

(e) The earning capacities, educational levels, vocational skills, and employability of the parties and, when applicable, the time necessary for either party to acquire sufficient education or training to enable such party to find appropriate employment.

(f) The contribution of each party to the marriage, including, but not limited to, services rendered in homemaking, child care, education, and career building of the other party.

(g) The responsibilities each party will have with regard to any minor children they have in common.

(h) The tax treatment and consequences to both parties of any alimony award, including the designation of all or a portion of the payment as a nontaxable, nondeductible payment.

(i) All sources of income available to either party, including income available to either party through investments of any asset held by that party.

(j) Any other factor necessary to do equity and justice between the parties.

(3) To the extent necessary to protect an award of alimony, the court may order any party who is ordered to pay alimony to purchase or maintain a life insurance policy or a bond, or to otherwise secure such alimony award with any other assets which may be suitable for that purpose.

(4) For purposes of determining alimony, there is a rebuttable presumption that a short-term marriage is a marriage having a duration of less than 7 years, a moderate-term marriage is a marriage having a duration of greater than 7 years but less than 17 years, and long-term marriage is a marriage having a duration of 17 years or greater. The length of a marriage is the period of time from the date of marriage until the date of filing of an action for dissolution of marriage.

(5) Bridge-the-gap alimony may be awarded to assist a party by providing support to allow the party to make a transition from being married to being single. Bridge-the-gap alimony is designed to assist a party with legitimate identifiable short-term needs, and the length of an award may not exceed 2 years. An award of bridge-the-gap alimony terminates upon the death of either party or upon the remarriage of the party receiving alimony. An award of bridge-the-gap alimony shall not be modifiable in amount or duration.

(6)(a) Rehabilitative alimony may be awarded to assist a party in establishing the capacity for self-support through either:

1. The redevelopment of previous skills or credentials; or

2. The acquisition of education, training, or work experience necessary to develop appropriate employment skills or credentials.

(b) In order to award rehabilitative alimony, there must be a specific and defined rehabilitative plan which shall be included as a part of any order awarding rehabilitative alimony.

(c) An award of rehabilitative alimony may be modified or terminated in accordance with s. 61.14 based upon a substantial change in circumstances, upon noncompliance with the rehabilitative plan, or upon completion of the rehabilitative plan.

(7) Durational alimony may be awarded when permanent periodic alimony is inappropriate. The purpose of durational alimony is to provide a party with economic assistance for a set period of time following a marriage of short or moderate duration or following a marriage of long duration if there is no ongoing need for support on a permanent basis. An award of durational alimony terminates upon the death of either party or upon the remarriage of the party receiving alimony. The amount of an award of durational alimony may be modified or terminated based upon a substantial change in circumstances in accordance with s. 61.14. However, the length of an award of durational alimony may not be modified except under exceptional circumstances and may not exceed the length of the marriage.

(8) Permanent alimony may be awarded to provide for the needs and necessities of life as they were established during the marriage of the parties for a party who lacks the financial ability to meet his or her needs and necessities of life following a dissolution of marriage. Permanent alimony may be awarded following a marriage of long duration if such an award is appropriate upon consideration of the factors set forth in subsection (2), following a marriage of moderate duration if such an award is appropriate based upon clear and convincing evidence after consideration of the factors set forth in subsection (2), or following a marriage of short duration if there are written findings of exceptional circumstances. In awarding permanent alimony, the court shall include a finding that no other form of alimony is fair and reasonable under the circumstances of the parties. An award of permanent alimony terminates upon the death of either party or upon the remarriage of the party receiving alimony. An award may be modified or terminated based upon a substantial change in circumstances or upon the existence of a supportive relationship in accordance with s. 61.14.

(9) The award of alimony may not leave the payor with significantly less net income than the net income of the recipient unless there are written findings of exceptional circumstances.

(10)(a) With respect to any order requiring the payment of alimony entered on or after January 1, 1985, unless the provisions of paragraph (c) or paragraph (d) apply, the court shall direct in the order that the payments of alimony be made through the appropriate depository as provided in s. 61.181.

(b) With respect to any order requiring the payment of alimony entered before January 1, 1985, upon the subsequent appearance, on or after that date, of one or both parties before the court having jurisdiction for the purpose of modifying or enforcing the order or in any other proceeding related to the order, or upon the application of either party, unless the provisions of paragraph (c) or paragraph (d) apply, the court shall modify the terms of the order as necessary to direct that payments of alimony be made through the appropriate depository as provided in s. 61.181.

(c) If there is no minor child, alimony payments need not be directed through the depository.

(d)1. If there is a minor child of the parties and both parties so request, the court may order that alimony payments need not be directed through the depository. In this case, the order of support shall provide, or be deemed to provide, that either party may subsequently apply to the depository to require that payments be made through the depository. The court shall provide a copy of the order to the depository.

 To Cheat or Not to Cheat, that is the question.

Florida is a "no fault" divorce state. This means that either party may file for a divorce without proving any grounds other than the spouses don't want to be married anymore. The spouse wanting a divorce only needs to state that the marriage is "irretrievably broken."

No fault divorce may give a false sense of security to cheating spouses, who may believe that their adultery will have no bearing on their divorce proceedings.

In Florida, a court may consider alimony under certain circumstances in a divorce proceeding. This is outlined in Florida Statute 61.08, as follows:

F.S. 61.08 Alimony.— (1) In a proceeding for dissolution of marriage, the court may grant alimony to either party, which alimony may be bridge-the-gap, rehabilitative, durational, or permanent in nature or any combination of these forms of alimony. In any award of alimony, the court may order periodic payments or payments in lump sum or both. The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded. In all dissolution actions, the court shall include findings of fact relative to the factors enumerated in subsection (2) supporting an award or denial of alimony.

The key part of this statute is: "The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded"

Another area where adultery may play a role in divorce is in equitable division of property. Under equitable division, the court’s objective is to create an equal division of assets and debts between the parties in such a manner as to put the parties on an equal footing. This presumption may, however, be overcome by proof that one spouse has intentionally dissipated or wasted marital assets. Gifts, trips, apartment rent, car payments, and dinners for a non-marital partner are all considered a waste of marital assets. The court may reduce the adulterer's share of martial assets to compensate the other spouse for this waste.

EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ALIMONY BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK

In determining whether to award alimony or maintenance, the court shall first make a specific factual determination as to whether either party has an actual need for alimony or maintenance and whether either party has the ability to pay alimony or maintenance. If the court finds that a party has a need for alimony or maintenance and that the other party has the ability to pay alimony or maintenance, then in determining the proper type and amount of alimony or maintenance under subsections (5)-(8), the court shall consider all relevant factors, including, but not limited to:

(a) The standard of living established during the marriage.

(b) The duration of the marriage.

(c) The age and the physical and emotional condition of each party.

(d) The financial resources of each party, including the nonmarital and the marital assets and liabilities distributed to each.

(e) The earning capacities, educational levels, vocational skills, and employability of the parties and, when applicable, the time necessary for either party to acquire sufficient education or training to enable such party to find appropriate employment.

(f) The contribution of each party to the marriage, including, but not limited to, services rendered in homemaking, child care, education, and career building of the other party.

(g) The responsibilities each party will have with regard to any minor children they have in common.

(h) The tax treatment and consequences to both parties of any alimony award, including the designation of all or a portion of the payment as a nontaxable, nondeductible payment.

(i) All sources of income available to either party, including income available to either party through investments of any asset held by that party.

(j) Any other factor necessary to do equity and justice between the parties.

(3) To the extent necessary to protect an award of alimony, the court may order any party who is ordered to pay alimony to purchase or maintain a life insurance policy or a bond, or to otherwise secure such alimony award with any other assets which may be suitable for that purpose.

(4) For purposes of determining alimony, there is a rebuttable presumption that a short-term marriage is a marriage having a duration of less than 7 years, a moderate-term marriage is a marriage having a duration of greater than 7 years but less than 17 years, and long-term marriage is a marriage having a duration of 17 years or greater. The length of a marriage is the period of time from the date of marriage until the date of filing of an action for dissolution of marriage.

(5) Bridge-the-gap alimony may be awarded to assist a party by providing support to allow the party to make a transition from being married to being single. Bridge-the-gap alimony is designed to assist a party with legitimate identifiable short-term needs, and the length of an award may not exceed 2 years. An award of bridge-the-gap alimony terminates upon the death of either party or upon the remarriage of the party receiving alimony. An award of bridge-the-gap alimony shall not be modifiable in amount or duration.

(6)(a) Rehabilitative alimony may be awarded to assist a party in establishing the capacity for self-support through either:

1. The redevelopment of previous skills or credentials; or

2. The acquisition of education, training, or work experience necessary to develop appropriate employment skills or credentials.

(b) In order to award rehabilitative alimony, there must be a specific and defined rehabilitative plan which shall be included as a part of any order awarding rehabilitative alimony.

(c) An award of rehabilitative alimony may be modified or terminated in accordance with s. 61.14 based upon a substantial change in circumstances, upon noncompliance with the rehabilitative plan, or upon completion of the rehabilitative plan.

(7) Durational alimony may be awarded when permanent periodic alimony is inappropriate. The purpose of durational alimony is to provide a party with economic assistance for a set period of time following a marriage of short or moderate duration or following a marriage of long duration if there is no ongoing need for support on a permanent basis. An award of durational alimony terminates upon the death of either party or upon the remarriage of the party receiving alimony. The amount of an award of durational alimony may be modified or terminated based upon a substantial change in circumstances in accordance with s. 61.14. However, the length of an award of durational alimony may not be modified except under exceptional circumstances and may not exceed the length of the marriage.

(8) Permanent alimony may be awarded to provide for the needs and necessities of life as they were established during the marriage of the parties for a party who lacks the financial ability to meet his or her needs and necessities of life following a dissolution of marriage. Permanent alimony may be awarded following a marriage of long duration if such an award is appropriate upon consideration of the factors set forth in subsection (2), following a marriage of moderate duration if such an award is appropriate based upon clear and convincing evidence after consideration of the factors set forth in subsection (2), or following a marriage of short duration if there are written findings of exceptional circumstances. In awarding permanent alimony, the court shall include a finding that no other form of alimony is fair and reasonable under the circumstances of the parties. An award of permanent alimony terminates upon the death of either party or upon the remarriage of the party receiving alimony. An award may be modified or terminated based upon a substantial change in circumstances or upon the existence of a supportive relationship in accordance with s. 61.14.

(9) The award of alimony may not leave the payor with significantly less net income than the net income of the recipient unless there are written findings of exceptional circumstances.

(10)(a) With respect to any order requiring the payment of alimony entered on or after January 1, 1985, unless the provisions of paragraph (c) or paragraph (d) apply, the court shall direct in the order that the payments of alimony be made through the appropriate depository as provided in s. 61.181.

(b) With respect to any order requiring the payment of alimony entered before January 1, 1985, upon the subsequent appearance, on or after that date, of one or both parties before the court having jurisdiction for the purpose of modifying or enforcing the order or in any other proceeding related to the order, or upon the application of either party, unless the provisions of paragraph (c) or paragraph (d) apply, the court shall modify the terms of the order as necessary to direct that payments of alimony be made through the appropriate depository as provided in s. 61.181.

(c) If there is no minor child, alimony payments need not be directed through the depository.

(d)1. If there is a minor child of the parties and both parties so request, the court may order that alimony payments need not be directed through the depository. In this case, the order of support shall provide, or be deemed to provide, that either party may subsequently apply to the depository to require that payments be made through the depository. The court shall provide a copy of the order to the depository.

DOMESTIC PARTNER REGISTRY FOR TAMPA, AND COMING SOON ST. PETERSBURG

 

The same objectives for domestic partners can be accomplished by some simple legal documents including a "health care power of attorney", a "durable power of attorney", and a "living will". These documents allow the designated domestic partner to make health care decisions, be present in a hospital, and make financial decisions for their partner at a time when their partner is unable to do so.  These registrys attempt to accomplish the same objectives, but fall short of the benefits available to partners with a couple simple legal documents.

Read more in this article from the St. Pete Times today;

Tampa creates the first domestic partnership registry in the Tampa Bay area

By Richard Danielson, Times Staff Writer

Tampa Bay Times: Friday, April 6, 2012

TAMPA — In a historic decision, this city Thursday became the first in the Tampa Bay area to create a registry where unmarried couples can register as domestic partners.

"You're making a statement that Tampa is a welcoming city," R. Zeke Fread, 60, of Palma Ceia said moments before the City Council's unanimous vote. "I've never been so proud to live in Tampa."

Tampa now joins Orlando, Gainesville, West Palm Beach and Key West, as well as the counties of Miami-Dade, Broward and Palm Beach, with such laws.

Its movement toward the registry has inspired officials in St. Petersburg and Gulfport to consider creating registries of their own.

"I am so very pleased to bring forth this ordinance that represents a small step in bringing dignity and equality to all," said Yvonne Yolie Capin, the council member who proposed Tampa's registry.

But don't rush to City Hall just yet. The city clerk has 90 days to set up the registry.

When it is ready, both same-sex and straight couples from Tampa will be able to sign up.

Still, the ordinance establishing the registry says nothing about it "shall be construed as recognizing or treating a domestic partnership as a marriage."

Tampa's registry will be open to couples of two people who are 18 or older, are not married and not related by blood, who live together and consider each other as immediate family. It will recognize their ability to:

• Visit each other in health care facilities in the city.

• Make medical decisions for a partner who is incapacitated.

• Make funeral arrangements for each other.

• Be notified as a family member in an emergency involving a partner.

• Participate in the education of the child of a domestic partner.

While this is the Tampa Bay area's first domestic partnership registry, it follows the similar actions by several local governments.

The city of Tampa, the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office and the St. Petersburg Police Department already offer health benefits to same-sex domestic partners of their employees.

WHY DO SECOND AND THIRD MARRIAGES FAIL?

Do Second and Third Marriages Fail More Often?

In the U.S., 50 percent of first marriages, 67 percent of second, and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce. See this link: http://www.divorcerate.org/

What are the reasons for this progressive increase in divorce rates? One common explanation is that people enter a second or third marriage "on the rebound" following a failed relationship. The problem arises when people are emotionally hurt from a divorce, and easily swayed by a new relationship; they do not allow sufficient time to recover from their divorce or adjust to being single before getting married again. I have previously suggested that you be comfortable with staying home alone on a Friday or Saturday night alone with just yourself and a good book as a test to determine whether you are ready for a new relationship. People often hastily enter another marriage for the wrong reasons, not having learned lessons from their past experience. They may repeat mistakes, leading to similar conflicts, and possibly another failed relationship. It is important to take time to take stock of yourself, understand what went wrong in your last relationship and be able to recognize possibly similar problems in your next relationship.

Another possible explanation is that some people don’t consider divorce devastating, rather they consider it an event that they can cope with easily. Having already been through it once, and managed to handle it, they figure that they can deal with it again. Often people have become attuned to the warning signs of a bad relationship and may be faster to take steps to mitigate the damage to their life. People that are highly educated, have professional degrees, or careers in business, are more likely to cope with a divorce, by removing the emotional component that often makes divorce so difficult, and by using a logical decision making process rather than an emotional decision making process.

Another possible reason is that as men and women become more self sufficient, with women enjoying successful careers and making salaries comparable to their spouses, and men becoming proficient in home making, the gender gap is closing and the need for a marriage partnership is diminished.

Possibly the main reason for the breakup of second and third marriages is that children are normally born to married couples during their first marriage, and this tends to bind them together for the sake of the children. In the second and third marriage, couples do not have to stay together for the sake of the children, nor do they have the common bond that exists with a married couple raising children. Worse yet, children from a first marriage may doom a second or third marriage. New spouses and their children may have conflicts, jealousy and compete with the children from the first marriage, resulting in a deterioration of the second marriage. Have you ever heard of the term "wicked stepmother" ? or "evil step father"? Have you ever heard of children being cheated out of an inheritance because the second wife or second husband took everything? Is any wonder why second and third marriages fail?

8 Mistakes Married Women Make

This article is written strictly from a mans point of view, so for those women reading it, dont take offense.  Read this for what it is, and if you see yourself in this you can decide if any of what is said here has value or is just plain crap, you decide. For some, it may just save your marriage. For more read "The Milk is Still Bad and Other Cautionary Tales" on Amazon.com for kindle books.

1. Nagging - one of the most common things that men report during consultations for divorce is that their wife constantly nags them about everything.  This includes complaining about things that they did or didn't do, or failed to do correctly.  Men quietly tolerate nagging but deep down it creates a huge level of resentment and over time will cause men to run away.  This occurs more in marriages than in dating because for some crazy reason some women think that once they have a man wearing a ring on his finger that they can abuse him all they want.  Women may not realize that nagging is abuse, but to most men it is a form of abuse that they silently endure until they have had enough.

2. No Sex - the second most common mistake women make is withholding sex.  Normally during dating couples have sex every time they see each other, often twice a day.  After marriage, many women seem to loose interest in sex, possibly as a result of having children, the stress of daily life, work, bills, and household chores. What most women do not realize is that sex is a compulsion in men, a need that has to be satisfied on a regular basis.  Apparently women don't have the same physical need for sex every day that men have. Men think about sex about a hundred times a day. One sure way to keep men interested is to offer sex every day, whether the man wants it or not, and whether you feel like it or not.

3. Emasculation - the third common mistake women make is to emasculate their man.  This includes telling him that he is wrong in front of friends, family or the children, as well as taking control of things that are normally a man's domain such as control of the tv remote, changing the radio, picking the movie, deciding on where to go on vacation, insisting on driving, and making decisions regarding the children without taking their husbands opinion into consideration. Women that dominate in this manner totally emasculate their husband to the point that many husbands will eventually have had enough and leave.

4. Ignoring - the fourth common mistake women make is to ignore their man by placing more importance on everything else. This can include becoming preoccupied with hobbies, the internet, facebook, working out, and talking to friends on the phone and surfing the net.  As a result of the wife showing absolutely no interest in anything the husband does or says, he will find others that are interested in what he has to say or likes to do.

5. Criticizing - this mistake is a subset of nagging. Often no matter what words come out of the husbands mouth they are met with criticism, anger, or disagreemenet from the wife. As a result at some point men just stop talking.  Many times you see this scenario where an old couple managed to stay together for many years, but the man just does not talk in the presence of his wife. 

6. Stubborn - being stubborn to the point of inflexibility is the sixth mistake women make. No matter what the subject, topic, or idea the woman will not give in, or offer any negotiation. It is her way of the highway, and often the man chooses the highway.

7. Always right - this mistake is one where the woman believes she is right and will not ever admit that she is wrong, and has to win every argument and every discussion. This is a subset of emasculation.

8. Never Says Sorry - this final mistake is a subset of stubborn and always right, and speaks for itself. The woman never is willing to say she is sorry, or worse yet insists that the man say he is sorry to her almost daily whether he has done anything wrong or not. Some women joke about this, and say that they require their man to apologize every day even if he has done nothing wrong.  This too builds up resentment and eventually most men tire of having to go through this exercise.

So there you have it, 8 mistakes that women make. Believe it or dont, but if you see yourself or someone you are in a relationship with, why not start a discussion. If you disagree with these 8 mistakes, you are enetitled to your opinion, perhaps I was not right, and also I'm sorry. Also I promise not to nag you or criticize you again.  There did that make you feel better?

Having Kids - What Will It Cost You?

For many people, dating can lead to marriage, and marriage can lead to having children. It can be very expensive to raise a child in the United States. For example, according to one online calculator, it costs almost $200,000 US Dollars (USD) to raise a child from birth to age 18. Other sources estimate the cost at $250,000 USD or more. For parents who put their kids through college, tuition can add as much as $10,000 USD or more to that estimate.

Although this may seem like an unaffordable amount of money, keep in mind that the cost of raising children is spread out over almost two decades. Divided equally by 18 years, to raise a child will cost you roughly $11,000 USD per year. If you have two children, it will theoretically cost you about $22,000 USD per year to raise them, and so on. However, keep in mind that the first 11 or 12 years of each child’s life will most likely be more expensive than the teen years, because daycare expenses usually go away at age 12.

Sex - How to Keep Your Marriage Strong

As a divorce attorney, I have learned a few good tips from clients over the past 18 years.  One is that lack of sex and intimacy leads to adultery and divorce. Many divorce clients report that they have not had sex in months or even years, and no hugging, or kissing or intimacy of any type. This leads to a lack of closeness and lack of a bond between the married partners. This often happens when the demands of children, work, and daily chores take priority over closeness between two people.  If you are not experiencing intimacy in your relationship, you had better take notice and do something about it before it is too late.

Read more in my book on Amazon.com called "the milk is still bad and other cautionary tales from a divorce lawyer"

How Many Frogs Must You Kiss?

A recent British study that states the average woman will kiss 22 men, have four long-term relationships and get her heart broken five times before meeting "the One."

The study also revealed that she will endure six bad dates, have six one-night stands and be cheated on four times.

The average man will kiss 23 girls, have 10 one-night stands and suffer six heartbreaks before settling down.

If you know what to look for you might save some time!

 

 

Relationship Tip - Never Go Back

This tip relates to the title of my new book on Amazon.com called "The Milk Is Still Bad and Other Cautionary Tales".  The essence of this concept is that people that break up do it for a reason. In all my years as a divorce lawyer, I have never observed any couple reconcile successfully once the relationship failed. My suggestion, never go back.

Be safe out there!

Relationship Tip - Avoid People that Have More Problems Than You Do!

My dad always told me "never get involved with someone that has more problems than you, because their problems will become your problems.  Here are some examples of what I'm talking about, if you find out that the person you are dating has any of these characteristics, be careful and consider not becoming involved in a dating relationship with them. Here are twenty things to look out for:

1. Bankruptcy being considered or just filed

2. Just finished bankruptcy

3. Takes psychiatric medications

4. Drinks every day or  gets drunk a couple times a week

5. Is on disability

6. Does not work

7. Has not worked for a long time

8. Has not finished high school or obtained a GED

9. Has an arrest record

10. Is on probation

11. Has a prior domestic violence injunction filed against them

12. Is out on bail

13. Is on parole

14. Has a drug problem

15. Uses street drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, or other street drugs

16. Regularly takes pain medication such as oxycodone

17. Engages in doctor shopping to get pain medications

19. Has a suspended drivers license

20. Has a back child support obligation they are not paying

Don't get me wrong, I know that there are lots of good people that have one or more of the above issues going on in their life, and lots of people are able to put these types of issues behind themselves and start a new life.  I am however amazed at how many relationships I have seen in my divorce practice where people get involved in a serious relationship and the other person has one of the above problems in their life, and they are totally surprised that the relationship failed, or even more surprised that these problems became their problems too.  Don't rush into a relationship simply becauese the person is attractive to you, ask some intelligent questions, and make some intelligent decisions. Consider whether you want to take on someone else's problems.